


Special Celebrity Host

by Kibu



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, Ficbit, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:03:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kibu/pseuds/Kibu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain America hosts the Muppet Show; Sam Eagle is a fanboy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Special Celebrity Host

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post](http://whoviankingdomkey.tumblr.com/post/85027005443/ive-been-reading-some-things-about-how-disney) on Tumblr. Other than that I really have no way to explain my weird. I apologize in advance.

“No, no, no! That’s all wrong!” Sam Eagle shouted, the music grinding to a slow and cacophonous halt. Rather than his normally stately, unruffled attitude, he was flustered and clearly irritated while trying to regain control. He shouted again over the screeching of the orchestra, and the penguins finally began to pay attention.

Steve had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, outwardly nodding and keeping a look of intense concentration on his face. Sam berated the backup dancers about their lack of patriotism, and Steve ended up having to lift his shield a fraction to hide the snort of laughter he couldn’t hold back.

“You – Were – Perfect!” Sam exclaimed with reverent gusto, finally turning his attention to Steve. “A true embodiment of all that it means to be an American.”

“Aw, shucks,” Steve replied, smiling and propping his fists on his hips to strike the appropriately heroic pose. It all felt ridiculous, yet at the same time he was greatly enjoying himself. “You’re too kind, Sam. You know,” he added after a brief pause, dropping the Hero Pose for a more relaxed, at-ease demeanor. “I’ve actually got a good friend named Sam.”

“You do?” Sam asked, looking up at Steve with as wide-eyed and hopeful an expression as he’d ever had on his felted puppet face. Steve barely kept from laughing again; the fact that Sam was able to mimic such a devoted expression of hero-worship was both hilarious and nothing short of brilliant artistry.

“Yeah, I sure do!” Steve replied heartily. He glanced at the cameras that were filming the whole thing, wondering if Sam and Natasha would be watching this episode later. It was their fault that he was here in the first place, having talked him into accepting the ‘celebrity host’ position. He grinned at the camera, throwing a wink that direction. Turning back to the practically-vibrating-with-excitement Sam Eagle, Steve added, “But he’s more of a falcon than an eagle.”

The puppet’s face fell, and after a moment he turned away from Steve with a very flat expression. “…How unpatriotic,” he deadpanned, with the air of someone who has suffered a grave disappointment. The next moment, he was hurrying around the set once again. “All right, everyone reset! Again from the top; including you, Mr. Star Spangled Man with a _falcon_.”

“Actually, it’s Captain-“ Steve started to protest, but a glittery rush of red, white, and blue dashing across the stage interrupted him.

“You called for the star, and here is moi!” Miss Piggy announced in her sweetest voice, brushing her blonde hair back over the shoulder of the sequined leotard she wore.

“You’re late,” Sam said flatly. “And this song is about _America_ , which is why it is starring Captain _America_.”

“What?” Miss Piggy demanded. “Everyone knows I’m the star here, not some guy named after a country!” She whirled on Steve, hair flying, and stopped abruptly. “Oh. Oh. Nevermind.” She batted her eyelashes, mouth opening in a puppet smile. “Hello, Captain,” Piggy said, all of her faux sweetness firmly back in place.

Steve had to admit that even though they’d rehearsed the skit multiple times, it never stopped being weird to be flirted with by a puppet pig in a blonde wig. “Hello, Miss Piggy,” he replied.

“A-hem!” Sam said loudly. “If you’re quite finished, we have a tribute to America to perform.”

“Right, of course.” Steven returned to his starting mark, Piggy striking a dramatic pose beside him.

Sam sighed, every inch of his structure the very embodiment of longsuffering. “Ready on the fireworks! Cue lights! And cue music!” He ducked out of sight as the music started, a line of red, white, and blue clad backup dancers of various species tap dancing in from the wings to join Steve and Piggy.

It was a disaster from the get-go. A horse backup dancer threw a shoe on one of the first steps, smacking another dancer directly in the center of her head and causing all the rest of them to trip up. Piggy, unused to and mostly unwilling to share the spotlight, continually jumped in front of Steve to gesture dramatically at the American flags that decorated every inch of the stage.

Steve yanked his shield up just in time for another horseshoe to ricochet off of it. The silver-painted accessory flew gracefully across the stage and landed behind the side curtain with a comically over-loud CLANG. Moments later, trails of sparkling fireworks began whizzing by like bullets in a firefight. Steve hooked an arm around Piggy’s waist, grabbing hold of the swinging pennant that had previously been decorating the backdrop.

“Hold on!” he shouted, wrapping the pennant around his wrist and swinging off the stage. The music, played by the oblivious penguins, swelled to its crescendo. At the same time, all of the fireworks went off with a blast like a bomb, scattering dancers and giving Steve and Piggy a boost on their swing.

They landed amongst the cameras, the skit intentionally breaking the fourth wall as they picked themselves up and dusted off. “You okay?” Steve asked, helping Piggy to her feet.

“Captain! Captain America!” Sam exclaimed, hurrying over to them and looking a little singed around the eyebrows. “That was _perfect_! Well done capturing the appropriate American spirit. We’ll have to reset and do it exactly like that all over again.” He bustled away pompously, Steve watching him incredulously.

“My hero!” Miss Piggy cried, grabbing Steve’s face in her hands and pulling him into a wide-eyed and genuinely startled "kiss."

He was never going to hear the end of this.


End file.
